My first problem in a pose

I encountered an issue today in a pose that made me uncomfortable. While in shoulder stand, I felt like I crunched something in the front of my throat. It didn't hurt, but it didn't feel right. I released, took a few breaths, and tried again, only to have the same exact problem. I adjusted my position, and tried once more, to no avail. I've balanced in shoulder stand many times before, and have never experienced this sensation, so I'm not sure what's happening.

I've been toying with the idea of a private yoga session, and this is making me consider it even more. I'd like to work with someone on fine tuning my problem areas. Practicing every day seems like it might exacerbate any bad habits I'm unaware of.

I had been hoping to sign up for a Yoga Basics workshop that goes into each basic pose in depth, discussing alignment, contraindications, etc. It's a series of two hour sessions for four consecutive Saturdays. But it's just not working out with my schedule. Since I won't be able to attend the workshop, I'm thinking one private session might give me the tools I need. This is where practicing at home gets dicey, when something doesn't feel right and there's no instructor to ask for guidance. I definitely can't afford to take a class every day, but I think one private session might give me a better base of knowledge to work with at home.

On another note, today's Meditations from the Mat said something interesting. According to the author, a guru was asked, "What will be the undoing of humanity?" and he answered, "The separation between you and me." The author continues to say that the first yama - ahimsa, or nonharming - requires us to abandon the notion of that separation. This concept boggles my mind, because I've always considered it a good thing to separate myself from those I feel have undesirable character and morals. Catholic education drills that into your head and your heart. It's almost too foreign a concept for me to really grasp, and I'll be thinking about it in the days to come.

Namaste

Judgement and Letting Go

Today was another wonderful day. I've definitely kicked whatever was making me feel bad a few days ago, and now I'm feeling strong and energetic.

Since today was another Zumba day, I was concerned with being stiff for yoga. I paid extra attention to the stretching portion of the cool down, and after walking home, I continued to stretch some more. I also had a massage scheduled today, but I'll get to that in a moment.

Zumba was so much fun - good friends, good music, and good laughs. It's *almost* possible to forget it's exercise! I'm getting more confident with the routines, which means I can enjoy the class more instead of trying to hard to keep up. And while I feel like I'm getting better at the cardio portion, I'm also sweating more than ever. I'm not sure I understand that, but it feels good, so I'm going with it.

When I went to my massage appointment, I asked her to focus on my back, between my shoulder blades. As she started working, she said it was obvious I hold everything there, emotionally and physically, and that I need to learn to let things go. At first I was slightly uncomfortable. I'd never met this woman before, and while she was very good at the physical portion of a massage, she didn't have a comforting demeanor about her. I felt like she was judging me, and I didn't like it. After a few tense minutes, I let it go though, and focused on relaxing.

Tonight I did another version of the Solar Flow Matrix, this time with a build up to shoulder stand. I'm not able to do a full shoulder stand yet, but I am definitely feeling a difference as I work on the poses to build the base. I'm not pushing myself to hard, and I don't feel bad that I can't complete a shoulder stand yet. It used to bother me in class when I couldn't do a shoulder stand at all, while everyone else perfected theirs. But no more. Just feeling the gaining strength makes me feel successful and full of purpose.

When I read today's Meditation from the Mat, it all came together. Here's what stood out to me. "Only when we act without judgement can we truly flourish in our lives... Before our bodies can open, they must first let go; the clenched and guarded muscles must relax. But the mind must let go first."

How's that for all of my concerns for the day coming together into one meditation? I could practically tie my day up in a bow! When I relaxed, trusted, and respected my body, I was able to enjoy Zumba more. When I went for a massage to work out tightened muscles, I was cautioned that I needed to let the emotions go first. And when I practiced yoga tonight, I realized how invigorating practice can be when you accept where your are in your practice, and don't judge yourself unfairly.

I'm going to bed tonight feeling strong, confident, and relaxed. :)

Namaste