Huh?

I'm at a point in Meditations from the Mat that is over my head. I read the quotes, read the passages, and nothing eloquent flows through my mind. It's really just a resounding 'huh?'

Gates is talking about self-study, giving up hope and just being present in the now, and giving up self-image.

I can't wrap my head around these two concepts. If I give up hope of something better, I can live in the now - a now filled with decadent food, shopping trips, alcohol... I could even start smoking again. I could be very entertained in the now if I gave up hope for the future.

And previously in the teachings about the niyamas, there was a lot of talk about self-image. Being neat and clean, taking good care of one's outer appearance and your surroundings was considered important. But now it's says to give up self image, because it is an attachment, and with attachments, we can't live fully in the present.

I'm confused.

But I'm going to keep reading, and keep practicing, and hope (see, not giving that up yet!) that it all comes together and makes sense to me in the future.

Namaste